How up and down is it acceptable have in two weeks?

Really this last two or three weeks have been ridiculous. I've had a double ear infection which didn't want to go away after the first bout of antibiotics so had to have a second week of them. I knew it was time to get to the Dr when a petit mal started making the TV go odd again, I now know that when I think I've seen or heard that before, the deja vu is starting and I need to sit down. I also know that my little dog knows it too because she taps my leg until I sit down and then she stays by my side, bless her. So resting took place and the antibiotics. My Dr told me that anyone in my position will have more potential of getting a seizure with any form of infection, so I need to get to the doc as soon as I know I'm not quite right.

Like I say the first lot didn't get rid of it so I had to have another lot, I knew that I wasn't right when I had a full gran mal and ended up back in hospital for the night again. Obviously as usual I don't remember the 'special dance' that I reserve for my daughters. This time though I woke up with a cracking bruise on my hip, a swollen ankle and a really really sore throat, ear and tongue from where I must have thought it was a good idea to bite myself! Now whether this was from missing a CBD dose or the gin and tonic (the neurologist says that would have been fine) or stress over money worries that have all come at once, or whatever other reason I can think of. The upside of this seizure though is another MRI, which I don't get scared about anymore and it shows no change which is great.

I am still walking and raining money and hopefully awareness for brain tumour research. I am astounded at the amount of messages I've had from strangers, of the people who have stopped me in the street to tell me their stories or put some money in the pot. I am determined to get this known to the masses in the same way as breast cancer and prostate cancer is. So I'm keeping walking.

I'm also moving up, out and on. To a new flat in a beautiful seafront tourist area near to where my new workplace is going to be and looking over one of my favourite garden spots in the world. My website for my new business is also being built right now and soon it will be up and running and I will be a real businesswoman. It's super exciting and super scary but with so much to look forward to I really need to be calm in my head and not let excitement take me over, which I know I have a massive potential to do.

The CBD and medical cannabis news in the UK has gone bananas with Charlotte Caldwell and the story of her little boy, it seems that things really are going forward with the whole thing and maybe it will be available on the NHS very soon. I had a conversation with my new neurologist this week who was confused as to why I don't like taking the chemical medications that are tried and tested by big pharma and approved by them but that I am happy to take the CBD oil that is produced naturally in the UK, tested and approved all over the world and although (what I'm taking) is legal and is making a great difference in how I feel. I got to the point of not furthering the conversation with him but he knows that I'm taking it and have no intention of stopping.

My cutting out sugar has failed miserably this last few weeks, once I am in my new place and back to a  more normal time I'll read that book properly and get onto a sugar free life, brain and body.

So many ups and downs with the charity, the fundraising, the job, the business and the home move. Then there's the seizures, the being told to start living and stop wrapping myself up in cotton wool and the seizures. I forget how terrifying it is to totally lose control of myself and have no memory of it happening. I have to find a way to get over that. 20 weeks though, it's the longest I've gone without a seizure by 6 weeks. So fingers crossed that the next one is much much further away. The electric flashes in my head have my full permission to slow down now.

And on that note it's time for a cup of camomile tea and bed time.

Have a great week everyone, I'll aim to be more upbeat next week.

Ooh and just in case you want to please take a look at the justgiving page, add some money and share it around
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/victoria-bradley5

Thanks

What has been horrible is becoming something amazing

As I'm writing this I have tears in my eyes, and a few rolling down my face. I have spent the day with my daughter helping her move into her beautiful new home with her fabulous boyfriend and her delightful boy. We've going through old photos and memories, books and toys of my grandsons. I think that exactly the time I am cooking dinner this time last year we were being told that I had a tumour living in my head, I didn't take it in, I couldn't take it in, my daughters cried, my friend cried and I was dumbfounded, not knowing what was going to happen and definately not taking in the enormity of 'brain tumour'.

Since that time, I have continued to scare the living daylights out of everyone close to me with seizures and surgery and more seizures. I have worked, read, studied, fought the agencies and cried, cried and then cried some more. I have made amazing friends from all over the world who are my backbone, I would never have met a lot of these people if it hadn't been for this awful 'thing'! I always knew that family isn't just blood (although mine are awesome) but they are also the people you choose to have by your side, they will stick by you through thick and thin, they will stick by through the good times and the bad, they will hold you when you cry and poke you when you need to laugh.

I have learned, and am still learning a new way of life, I have learned new skills that I have wanted for years and years. I am going to start a new version of myself, a different version me, maybe calmer and kinder, I like that version of myself.

I've learned that when you have a toxic person in your life they have to be removed, it's hard and there is a mourning period but it's worth it to take away that toxicity. I have also learned that some people will step away from you because they can't handle the fear, I cried over these but honestly if they can't handle me when I need them they don't deserve me when I'm at my best, so they have been removed too.

I am now shouting from the rooftops about brain tumour research, I am aiming to be an ambassador for this vital research for people all over the world. The world knows about breast cancer, prostate cancer, leukemia and these are also vital cancers that need to be irradicated but so is brain tumours. I want it known everywhere and by everyone that work needs to be done to stop these horrible and silent things living in our heads, the uninvited lodgers that so many of us give names to just to get to grips with the situation. I want to fight to see this research find a cure quicker.

I am in tears now, not tears of fear and sadness anymore but tears of joy, relief and gratitude. I can't even have a glass of wine though cos I'm on antibiotics. Not to worry, Thursday evening will be served with a very small glass of wine :)

I will continue the fight and will continue to raise money for the fight, if you are reading this and want to join me follow this link https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/victoria-bradley5