So in this weird, horrible in many ways, past 7 months I seem to have achieved a LOT. I have read and studied, I have passed 3 courses and am now qualified in various different things and am hopefully almost ready to move on to my next chapter of a new working life. I am a qualified meditation person, a qualified natural therapist and a qualified hypnotherapist, WOW not bad brain tumour woman :)
I've said this before that it's easy to look down on myself and sometimes others and even though this has been a really shit time with the tumour, the surgery, the seizures, the fear of every day life and blah blah blah, I'm doing OK and deserve a pat on the back.
Family have been a massive part of that, my girls! where do I start, these young women make me incredibly proud to be their mother every day. As mothers I feel that most of us just do our best, we want the best for our children but as there are no lessons of parenting we just do what we think is right. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not quite so good. When our beautiful children become vile teenagers (yes they nearly all do and both mine definately did) there is nothing we can do apart from pick them up and give them a damn good telling off, it'll take about 5 years for that telling off to sink in. When these vile teenagers grow out of this vile stage and magically turn into adults all we can do is hope for the best. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have absolutely no idea how it happened but my young women are awesome, they are bright, funny, caring, responsible and they have taken the best care and control of their poorly mother. They tell me off like I am the child sometimes, they cry with me, laugh with me and make me feel safe. I like to be sure that a great deal of that has come from their upbringing, not just from me but from their father and grand parents. I can't take all of the credit but I will enjoy every ounce of pride, they are my girls and I adore them and who they are. I am so very lucky to have them.
I'm also lucky to have an amazing group of friends. It's true that you learn who your friends are when the chips are down and it's also a really tough time to let the crappy ones go, it's upsetting to know that you've let selfish people become important to you but once you release them it's like a weight lifted off your shoulders, well it is once you've got over the hurt and then the anger (that hangs on for quite a while). My friends have been kind, caring, worried, funny and amazing. Again, I don't know how I have managed to surround myself with such awesome people, now, when I say surround myself, my friends are all over the place because I worked all over the place. They are still there though, on the phone or some sort of messenger. They lift me up when I need it, they bring me back down to earth when I am having a mad moment and they are just there when I need them. Even on a Friday night in front of gogglebox I am with my amazing friend even though she is on her sofa in Spain we are together and that is a very warm and comforting feeling. I am lucky.
So what am I going to do with my new skills? I have a plan, it's going to take a while to make come together but a plan is a plan. For the first time ever I want to help others find a way to help themselves. I want to help people to control their fear, pain and stress just by relaxing and now I almost have all the tools to do this. I want to teach people to relax, doctors, nurses, medical staff, teachers (that's my starting point) these people are so busy, so stretched and stressed and never get enough thanks for the amazing and hard jobs they do. I want to try and help them, it'll be a good platform for me to start I hope.
BTW last week I spoke about the vitamin B well I don't know if it's too early for me to feel any difference but I honestly feel that I have times of the day with no brain fog, it feels amazing. I've also started the new CBD entourage oil www.lovecbd.org I feel energised, awake and can see without a fog over my head, really is this possible so early on? I don't know but I do know that I am loving this feeling.
My final words this week are exercise, I love exercise, I am (or was) a full on gym bunny, I love a noisy, busy, hard working class, especially spinning and now there's no way I can do one, I miss it madly. Even walking past a gym can bring me to tears (ridiculous I know) but it was a massive part of my life and now I can't even go swimming!!! So I've returned to an old favourite, it looks and seems a bit weird to start with but once you get past the original creator (who looks a bit like a crazy lady in a very small leotard) it's a brilliant, gentle but good workout, I've got all of the downloads and I'm now doing one every day, I get the tiniest bit of dizziness when it comes to the laying down part of the programme but I stop, wait for the dizzy to go and then I start again. If you do have a look, the daughter Aubrey is fantastic and I much prefer her (not crazy) sessions. www.oxycise.com
Onwards and upwards we go, have a great week :)
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