Just tears

I've just got back from the hospital and it was pretty much everything I was expecting and my reason for being scared and sick all day was right. The eviction is booked in for 20th July, it will take all day to do it. The surgeon is fantastic and got a great reputation. Amos is a grade one big bugger that means my removal scar will be huge.

I think it will take a day or two for the realism of this to sink in. I am having half of my hair shaved off, that is now an absolute and has pissed me off, honestly I am not one of those women who looks amazing with an almost bald head. I will not be allowed to travel further than my home town for 12 weeks, that is a given and has pissed me off. That means I will not be able to go to my daughters hen weekend, that hasn't pissed me off, that is devastation. I know that is ridiculous to anyone else reading this but it isn't to me. I am not even allowed to go to visit family and friends in other areas of the country. Jeez at the moment I am not happy catching the local bus!!!  I can't leave the house on my own because I'm scared of having a seizure or dizzy spell

My new business has gone down the pan, I can't work and that has been my dawning realisation and has made me feel sick, not with the loss of potential business or the loss of the hours and hours I've put in but the reputation I might have lost in the time I can't work. Ridiculous I know but I think I am allowed a ridiculous couple of days.

The things that are making me furious, not being able to go to my daughters hen weekend and her having to think about how she is going to help me have lovely hair for her wedding. That should not be her job. As a beautiful young bride her job is only to allow herself to have wonderful hair.  

Yep writing this is bringing the tears even more!!!

On the other hand I haven't had a dizzy spell (until today) for over a week, I put this down to the CBD oil which tastes disgusting but I have it before bed and with my turmeric and almond milk tea as my bedtime drink, warm the milk (half a cup) with my chopped and squiged turmeric with black pepper, once this is warmed up I pour it into the cup through an old fashioned tea strainer and add the additional hot water. Sounds disgusting? Actually it's either nicer than it sounds or i have got used to it, either way I have this almost every night before I go to bed and I sleep like a baby, well that is not waking up at 3am for a nappy change :) As I'm typing this I'm chomping on my kale crisps (homemade) and waiting for my sweet potato chips to cook in the coconut oil to cook so that I can have them with my homemade baked beans Mmmmm

I have no appetite really but I know I have to get food into me and that food has to be good natural food, this is the stuff that is going to get me to my peak and to get me through the recovery quicker than the 10 weeks the surgeon is expecting. I want to get back to life, work and normal. So bring on the kale crisps, sweet potato chips and broccoli juice :)