I find it sad that so many of us are so hard on ourselves. Self deprecation is the tough messages we give to ourselves. Often nastier than anyone else can give us, tougher and harsher comments than we would ever take off others.
I'm too fat
my boobs are too big (or too small)
my feet are horrible
I'm too stupid to apply for that job
I'm too ugly to be loved
If someone used that language to my girls as children I would have been a woman possessed to change that message but that is the same message I give to myself every day and I see my friends give themselves the same message. I am however trying really hard to be kinder to myself, to look in the mirror and remind myself that I'm doing OK, to get a plan of action for the future so that I know that I will be strong enough to move forward. To know that I look pretty damn good. To remind myself that I am a mother, a grandmother, a brilliant friend and a brain tumour survivor.
Kindness is a beautiful quality and kindness to yourself (and myself) is equally beautiful and attractive. Not an over confidence kindness that makes you look brash and self absorbed. But a kindness that can be given to others where you can look at those around you and spot something nice in everyone as well as yourself. This kindness that you can say something nice to someone that can make their day, saying something nice to a friend or a stranger and make them smile on the inside for hours. This can keep the giver and receiver of that kindness with a warm glow inside. It's a free giving to say something gentle and kind, it costs nothing but means the world. My Dad used to say if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.
I haven't always been kind to others around me and have probably gone through years judging people for their size, their job, their lifestyle and clothing choices. A nastiness that wasn't always on show on the outside but I am ashamed of. Don't read this wrong I don't think I was a nasty spiteful person but I don't think I always saw the best in everyone I met and I also am not foolish enough to believe that EVERYONE has a kind and gentle side to them all the time but I am proud to say I am not that judgemental person anymore, maybe that part of my brain was removed and for that I'm glad, it's not welcome back.
My Dad also used to say treat others the way you expect to be treated yourself. My Dad was a lot more sensible that he was given credit for a lot of the time, I miss him everyday, but with his words he is always with me, always with my girls because they also teach these words to my grandchildren. Dad you live on.
If you're reading this, be kind to yourself, make a cuppa, put your feet up and rest for a while with a good book. Be kind to yourself, everything will be fine. Much love from me today - Ooh I must have done a LOT of yoga this week :)
Monday, 26 February 2018
Wednesday, 21 February 2018
Reading, reading, writing and then some more reading
I've been lucky and have been given some fabulous books as presents by others and then bought some more for myself, reading has been a great part of my sitting down with a cuppa and resting.
Davina McCall lessons I've learned has been amazing, I've always been a fan (I know I know maybe not cool but I loved her on big brother) she is a massive inspiration and her book has only made that more so, from the alcoholic parents to her sister with brain tumours, heartbreakingly close to home. I've cried and laughed. Maybe she will read this and know how much she has helped me.
Fearne Cottons Happy the journal, this was a present to myself and I totally love it, writing down daily thoughts, feelings and memories is a brilliant way of me putting things into perspective. I've thought about things I haven't thought of for years and remembered things that have made me laugh until I cried. Thankyou Fearne for making me look inside myself and see that things are going to get better and better. I hope you too will maybe have a read of this blog and understand the help you are giving me every day.
Shaun Usher Letters of note, a christmas present and it is utterly beautiful to sit down with a cuppa and take a 10 minute break from the world and read a letter. This book is utterly beautiful.
Haemin Sunim The things you can only see when you slow down, I can see why this is such a massive bestseller it's beautiful. It's another one for a sit down for a break and a cuppa, putting things into perspective and making you look at things through different eyes. I feel like I want to do this a lot lately, it's doing me good.
On my reading list
Mary Ann Shaffer The Guernsey literary and potato peel pie society, recommended by my daughter who is also my personal book advisor, she reads brilliant books and everything she recommends to read I love
Michael Heppell How to be brilliant, I'm looking forward to this one and to make my perceptions of things happier and healthier
Danny Wallace Join me, this books looks incredible and so do most of the rest of his collection, I might just become a Danny Wallace fan
I'm a slow reader so these will take a while but it will be recovery times to enjoy with a nice cuppa and maybe even a biscuit or two.
Davina McCall lessons I've learned has been amazing, I've always been a fan (I know I know maybe not cool but I loved her on big brother) she is a massive inspiration and her book has only made that more so, from the alcoholic parents to her sister with brain tumours, heartbreakingly close to home. I've cried and laughed. Maybe she will read this and know how much she has helped me.
Fearne Cottons Happy the journal, this was a present to myself and I totally love it, writing down daily thoughts, feelings and memories is a brilliant way of me putting things into perspective. I've thought about things I haven't thought of for years and remembered things that have made me laugh until I cried. Thankyou Fearne for making me look inside myself and see that things are going to get better and better. I hope you too will maybe have a read of this blog and understand the help you are giving me every day.
Shaun Usher Letters of note, a christmas present and it is utterly beautiful to sit down with a cuppa and take a 10 minute break from the world and read a letter. This book is utterly beautiful.
Haemin Sunim The things you can only see when you slow down, I can see why this is such a massive bestseller it's beautiful. It's another one for a sit down for a break and a cuppa, putting things into perspective and making you look at things through different eyes. I feel like I want to do this a lot lately, it's doing me good.
On my reading list
Mary Ann Shaffer The Guernsey literary and potato peel pie society, recommended by my daughter who is also my personal book advisor, she reads brilliant books and everything she recommends to read I love
Michael Heppell How to be brilliant, I'm looking forward to this one and to make my perceptions of things happier and healthier
Danny Wallace Join me, this books looks incredible and so do most of the rest of his collection, I might just become a Danny Wallace fan
I'm a slow reader so these will take a while but it will be recovery times to enjoy with a nice cuppa and maybe even a biscuit or two.
Monday, 19 February 2018
Struck by the dreaded lurgy
Well it's hit me, the dreaded lurgy that comes around to get us all at this time of year. I hoped I'd manage to escape it but as my throat hurts along with my head and I have the delightful cough of a dog there was no escaping it. I will try to escape the chemical meds and antibiotics though and hope that paracetamol with hot honey and lemon will take care of it.
This is the time of year that we see the NHS being slated by the press and this is what I find so horribly upsetting. Our NHS is without doubt incredible and that is the reason it is abused by so many other parts of the world, the free health care that we give to thousands on a daily basis is a massive part of what's breaking it, the fact that our front of house staff don't take the details of the people we are treating so that the money for their treatment isn't claimed from their own countries. Having lived overseas I know that if I turn up to a Greek, Spanish, German or French hospital without my EHIC card and passport I will either be not treated and turned away or treated and given a bill on my departure and this I expect and accept which is why I travel with health insurance. I don't have the full figures, and this morning I don't have the energy to google them but we must be owed billions every year by numerous countries for the free health care that we give, surely this needs to be done to help save our wonderful NHS and surely this needs to be done soon before it collapses and we lose it altogether. On this note I also want to mention the care given by our staff, having been in a few times this last 6 months I can honestly say that I have met some of the most incredible people who have given me the most incredible care under their most difficult working circumstances, I have laughed until I cried with some of these staff and for that I will never be able to show them the gratitude that they deserve.
This last week definately wasn't a good slimming world week while I chomped away on popcorn, ice cream, crisps and biscuits with the kids on school holidays but boy oh boy it was bloody lovely :) I have absolutely turned into an old lady while I think the best way to spend an evening is tucked up under a fleece blanket watching a film, star wars with him, musicals with her and eating our way through tubs of ice cream and popcorn at the same time. Every now and again the thought pops into my poorly head that thank God I'm alive to enjoy this and I wipe away a tear. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of my friends and family being scared but I don't know what to do to stop it, the happy pills stop the worry but they obviously don't stop the seizures, I am in the thought space now that the time in between the seizures I just have to enjoy and then when they happen take the rest time to get over them and start again.
My hair is growing back hurrah, it's a bloody mess, looks like a mop but it seems to be thicker than ever and even got a bit of a spring to it, so even if there is a fair amount of grey there is a fair amount of hair. I literally have no idea where to go with it, it's still too short to style but getting more and more every week. That along with the rest of the hair on my body, I've never had to shave so regularly :) I'm guessing this is due to the sea kelp and the silica , the silica is also meant to be good for skin, nails and bones so I'm sticking with it. This is a great place to read up on silica and it's uses and benefits https://blog.viviscal.com/power-of-silica-for-hair-growth-the-complete-guide/
After the seizure of a couple of weeks ago I never did find that earring but I am having to buy an oysta pearl https://oystatechnology.co.uk/ this is going to give me back a little bit more independence, it means that in the event of an emergency I don't have to try and use my mobile (impossible) but just press a button to get help and with it's gps it means I can be easily found. I will definately feel like an old lady with that hanging around my neck but a safer old lady that won't be left abandoned without help if I do have a seizure on my own, what a bloody pain eh!!! Oh and finally my car is being sold, I have finally come to the realisation that I definately won't be back behind the wheel anytime soon so it might as well get the money in the bank instead, thank goodness for my free bus pass hahaha
This is the time of year that we see the NHS being slated by the press and this is what I find so horribly upsetting. Our NHS is without doubt incredible and that is the reason it is abused by so many other parts of the world, the free health care that we give to thousands on a daily basis is a massive part of what's breaking it, the fact that our front of house staff don't take the details of the people we are treating so that the money for their treatment isn't claimed from their own countries. Having lived overseas I know that if I turn up to a Greek, Spanish, German or French hospital without my EHIC card and passport I will either be not treated and turned away or treated and given a bill on my departure and this I expect and accept which is why I travel with health insurance. I don't have the full figures, and this morning I don't have the energy to google them but we must be owed billions every year by numerous countries for the free health care that we give, surely this needs to be done to help save our wonderful NHS and surely this needs to be done soon before it collapses and we lose it altogether. On this note I also want to mention the care given by our staff, having been in a few times this last 6 months I can honestly say that I have met some of the most incredible people who have given me the most incredible care under their most difficult working circumstances, I have laughed until I cried with some of these staff and for that I will never be able to show them the gratitude that they deserve.
This last week definately wasn't a good slimming world week while I chomped away on popcorn, ice cream, crisps and biscuits with the kids on school holidays but boy oh boy it was bloody lovely :) I have absolutely turned into an old lady while I think the best way to spend an evening is tucked up under a fleece blanket watching a film, star wars with him, musicals with her and eating our way through tubs of ice cream and popcorn at the same time. Every now and again the thought pops into my poorly head that thank God I'm alive to enjoy this and I wipe away a tear. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of my friends and family being scared but I don't know what to do to stop it, the happy pills stop the worry but they obviously don't stop the seizures, I am in the thought space now that the time in between the seizures I just have to enjoy and then when they happen take the rest time to get over them and start again.
My hair is growing back hurrah, it's a bloody mess, looks like a mop but it seems to be thicker than ever and even got a bit of a spring to it, so even if there is a fair amount of grey there is a fair amount of hair. I literally have no idea where to go with it, it's still too short to style but getting more and more every week. That along with the rest of the hair on my body, I've never had to shave so regularly :) I'm guessing this is due to the sea kelp and the silica , the silica is also meant to be good for skin, nails and bones so I'm sticking with it. This is a great place to read up on silica and it's uses and benefits https://blog.viviscal.com/power-of-silica-for-hair-growth-the-complete-guide/
After the seizure of a couple of weeks ago I never did find that earring but I am having to buy an oysta pearl https://oystatechnology.co.uk/ this is going to give me back a little bit more independence, it means that in the event of an emergency I don't have to try and use my mobile (impossible) but just press a button to get help and with it's gps it means I can be easily found. I will definately feel like an old lady with that hanging around my neck but a safer old lady that won't be left abandoned without help if I do have a seizure on my own, what a bloody pain eh!!! Oh and finally my car is being sold, I have finally come to the realisation that I definately won't be back behind the wheel anytime soon so it might as well get the money in the bank instead, thank goodness for my free bus pass hahaha
Monday, 12 February 2018
Are we scrambling our brains with technology?
Technology is taking over our lives and squashing our brains.
Massively on the media atm is how technology has taken us over. We walk into a room and at least 50% of people are head down on mobiles. Walk down a road (pavement) and at least 50% of people have headphones in. No more social skills, no more conversation and meddled brains. Surely this isn't good for us. I went to see the brilliant John Bishop a few months ago and even he talked about dating sites and how even meeting new potential partners isn't just chatting to someone you haven't met before because they seem or look nice, we'd rather swipe because we like or don't like their profile. What a very sad state of life.
Since all this started I have developed a fear of using my mobile on the left side of my head 'just in case' I know this is ridiculous, but is it really?
The world health organisation have suggested that there is the possibility of radiation from mobile phones can contribute to an increased risk of brain cancer from long term or heavy use - I knew I didn't like the feeling of my mobile phone being next to my head, this makes me feel slightly less mad about using a headset and microphone.
I've known for years that spending too much time on the computer, tablet or mobile makes my eyes tired and sore and for years my eyesight has been getting worse but I can't stop reading my mobile, working on my laptop, watching netflix or reading a book on my kindle. I'm told that the 20/20/20 rule is good for me and that is every 20 minutes starting at a screen, have a 20 second break by looking at something 20 feet away, this should relax my eyes but I'm not really sure that it will make a massive difference to the damage I know I'm doing. As I'm writing this on my laptop I know I should give my eyes a break and make a cuppa seeing as I've already studying for 2 hours on the same laptop!
I worry about my grandchildren and their generation who don't play anymore, they would prefer to play a computer game than climb a tree, they don't want to take part in competitive sports but happily play a game with a group of strangers all over the world. I also worry that if my eyesight and possible brain cancer increasing dangers at my age with only 20 years of technology that means the younger generation are likely to see these results at a frighteningly young age.
I genuinely don't know how we change this, none of us want to give up our mobiles or kindles, our employers certainly won't go back to notebooks and faxes so what do we do? I don't know but I know I will be sticking to using my mobile with my headphones and microphone, even if I do look a bit bonkers, I also won't be putting my mobile down my bra (instead of a pocket) anymore, who knows what it's radiation is doing to my boobs?!
Massively on the media atm is how technology has taken us over. We walk into a room and at least 50% of people are head down on mobiles. Walk down a road (pavement) and at least 50% of people have headphones in. No more social skills, no more conversation and meddled brains. Surely this isn't good for us. I went to see the brilliant John Bishop a few months ago and even he talked about dating sites and how even meeting new potential partners isn't just chatting to someone you haven't met before because they seem or look nice, we'd rather swipe because we like or don't like their profile. What a very sad state of life.
Since all this started I have developed a fear of using my mobile on the left side of my head 'just in case' I know this is ridiculous, but is it really?
The world health organisation have suggested that there is the possibility of radiation from mobile phones can contribute to an increased risk of brain cancer from long term or heavy use - I knew I didn't like the feeling of my mobile phone being next to my head, this makes me feel slightly less mad about using a headset and microphone.
I've known for years that spending too much time on the computer, tablet or mobile makes my eyes tired and sore and for years my eyesight has been getting worse but I can't stop reading my mobile, working on my laptop, watching netflix or reading a book on my kindle. I'm told that the 20/20/20 rule is good for me and that is every 20 minutes starting at a screen, have a 20 second break by looking at something 20 feet away, this should relax my eyes but I'm not really sure that it will make a massive difference to the damage I know I'm doing. As I'm writing this on my laptop I know I should give my eyes a break and make a cuppa seeing as I've already studying for 2 hours on the same laptop!
I worry about my grandchildren and their generation who don't play anymore, they would prefer to play a computer game than climb a tree, they don't want to take part in competitive sports but happily play a game with a group of strangers all over the world. I also worry that if my eyesight and possible brain cancer increasing dangers at my age with only 20 years of technology that means the younger generation are likely to see these results at a frighteningly young age.
I genuinely don't know how we change this, none of us want to give up our mobiles or kindles, our employers certainly won't go back to notebooks and faxes so what do we do? I don't know but I know I will be sticking to using my mobile with my headphones and microphone, even if I do look a bit bonkers, I also won't be putting my mobile down my bra (instead of a pocket) anymore, who knows what it's radiation is doing to my boobs?!
Wednesday, 7 February 2018
The seizure bomb dropped the tumour bomb
Another day, another seizure, another night in the hospital for my lovely daughters as I frighten the living day lights out of them again!!!!
I forgot to take my tablet and it seems this really does have a ridiculous massive impact on my seizures. I was fine, I'd had a lovely day, I was very careful with myself and then I could hear the TV programme talk which sounded like deja vu (I've had that before) I thought I was maybe having the start of a dizzy spell. The next thing I know my daughter is banging on the door for me to let her in and I'm being strapped into an ambulance, I remember snap photos in between but not words.
I want to scream what has happened to my head????? This never happened before, this was supposed to not happen again, I literally feel like I've gone mad, not just a little bit but fully properly mad, it's disheartening and worrying and makes me feel a bit sick if I'm honest. My grandchildren now have to be taught an emergency plan 'just in case', I have to carry an old peoples thing around with me as an emergency button. This might get me down for a few days but I don't want that to last, I want to get back to how I was last week when life was looking good and things were improvement.
This happened on the evening a friend that I stopped talking to messaged me to tell me that she had some old photos of my Father and my daughters when they were children, after a series of messages she told me that she was throwing them in the bin. It really is at times like these that you really do see the selfish, nasty side of some people. The side of people that you stop hiding for the sake of friendship. I hadn't realised before all of this rubbish that I had a few friends who I shouldn't have bothered with, the brain tumour bomb is the perfect tool to get rid of them.
So after spending yesterday in my warm cosy, fleecy bedding, today it's time to move. Get dressed be a person again. Also hunt for the earring that I've lost during the seizure that contains my fathers ashes, I could cry for the loss of that earring. It's a thing I know and I'm not materialistic but it's a precious thing that I truly love.
OK, deep breath and get back to life (easier said than done but I need to do my best rock it like a rockstar)
Monday, 5 February 2018
Lets get some brain work done
I know that a lot of friends who have this same brain tumour thing have similar things (I don't want to call them problems) as me with memory, concentration, tiredness and memory (did I already say that) and word/speech processing. I have days where I feel like I'm an old woman because I can't speak properly, I can't remember things or words and all I want to do is sleep. Soooooooooo what can be done naturally to improve this?
Brain training, there are a few apps that are great for the brain training exercises, I do find them tiring though but as usual this could be my trying to overuse myself, my body and my brain. I've heard great things about them though so will keep trying. It's either that or solitaire, hmmmmmm the brain training apps are obviously going to be my choice
Music, once again there is the binary music, I love this and use it just about every day to read, study, rest and sleep. There are so many different sources on youtube to choose from I use this one (link below) just about every day when I'm reading, writing and studying. Honestly I don't know if it's actually helping my brain but I like the quiet playing in the background so it's staying
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUnU07e81GA&t=70s
I've mentioned this before but I think it's worth another mention and that is aromatherapy, been around for hundreds of years and whether you believe in it's worth or not it mostly smells beautiful so even for that reason it's worth giving a go.
Frankinsense
Peppermint
Brain training, there are a few apps that are great for the brain training exercises, I do find them tiring though but as usual this could be my trying to overuse myself, my body and my brain. I've heard great things about them though so will keep trying. It's either that or solitaire, hmmmmmm the brain training apps are obviously going to be my choice
Music, once again there is the binary music, I love this and use it just about every day to read, study, rest and sleep. There are so many different sources on youtube to choose from I use this one (link below) just about every day when I'm reading, writing and studying. Honestly I don't know if it's actually helping my brain but I like the quiet playing in the background so it's staying
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUnU07e81GA&t=70s
I've mentioned this before but I think it's worth another mention and that is aromatherapy, been around for hundreds of years and whether you believe in it's worth or not it mostly smells beautiful so even for that reason it's worth giving a go.
Frankinsense
- Helps control stress and negative emotions
- Boosts the immune system
- A great sleep aid
- A brain booster
- An aid to clear neural fatigue (ooohhhhh anyone who has the brain tumour bomb needs rosemary in their life)
- Banish brain fog
- Memory booster
- Supposedly the ultimate 'go to' brain booster
Peppermint
- Relives tension and headaches
- Stimulating the mind so assisting focus
Jasmine
- In my opinion much better than lavendar for relaxation and stress
- Considered by some to be as potent as valium
- Stress reducer and depression fighter
- Helps to battle low energy
- A great sleep aid
- It has been shown to improve memory and focus in alzheimers patients
- Can be wafted as an oil or used as a herbal tea, again has been shown to be as effective as caffeine (I do (when I remember) drink the tea with a slice of lemon)
So how about foods to boost the old grey cells? Here we go again, I am not a nutritionist in any way, shape or form but this stuff fascinates me so I read and read to get my head around what foods are good for me, my (currently shrinking, thanks to slimming world) body and my overworked brain.
Olive oil Rich in polyphenols, which are powerful brain protective antioxidants
Coconut oil Enhances the ability of the brain’s neurons to use energy while at the same time reducing the production of damaging free radicals. Provides saturated fat — a vital nutrient for the integrity and function of brain cell membranes.
Wild salmon A terrific natural source of the omega-3 oil DHA. DHA plays a pivotal role in maintaining the health of brain cells and actually helps to stimulate the growth of brain cells in the brain’s memory center.
Blueberries Power-packed with brain-protective antioxidants. Blueberries also help to reduce inflammation, a cornerstone of virtually all brain degenerative disorders.
Turmeric Acts to turn on the parts of our DNA that help reduce inflammation. The important role of turmeric in brain health has been described in the Vedic texts dating back more than 3,000 years.
Eggs Rich in choline, the precursor chemical for acetylcholine, one of the most fundamental neurotransmitters. In addition, eggs contain cholesterol, an important component of brain cell membranes as well as serving as a brain-protective antioxidant.
Walnuts Rich in a variety of nutrients to support brain health including vitamin E, omega-3 fats, copper, manganese, and fiber for brain supportive gut bacteria.
Exercise I had to put it on the list. Call it a “food for the soul” if you like. Aerobic exercise turns on the genes that make BDNF (a growth and protective hormone) that targets brain cells.
Asparagus Rich in prebiotic fiber to support brain-healthy gut bacteria. Asparagus is high in anti-inflammatory nutrients and folate.
Kale A great low-carb vegetable that’s rich in vitamins C, K, and A, as well as potassium and iron.
Broccoli High in sulfurophane, a chemical that aids in detoxification, reduction of inflammation, and control of damaging free radicals.
Avocado High in monounsaturated fats to protect brain cells. Avocado oil has been shown to help maintain healthy blood pressure levels.
Red wine Rich in polyphenols that may actually boost brain blood flow.
Dark chocolate Like red wine, also rich in polyphenols.
Spinach Rich in brain-protective antioxidants along with vitamin K, folate, and lutein.
Almonds Like fatty fish, almonds have high levels of brain-healthy omega-3 fatty acids and lots of brain-protecting vitamin E.
Pumpkin seeds A rich source of zinc, a mineral that plays an important role in memory and overall brain function.
Maca A relative of the radish and tastes similar to butterscotch. It's root is used to make medicine. People take maca by mouth for "tired blood" (anemia); chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS); and enhancing energy, stamina, athletic performance, and memory.
Maca A relative of the radish and tastes similar to butterscotch. It's root is used to make medicine. People take maca by mouth for "tired blood" (anemia); chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS); and enhancing energy, stamina, athletic performance, and memory.
Most of the food information sourced from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21756/20-foods-to-naturally-increase-your-brain-power.html
So it seems to me that information on moods, brain power, weight loss and blah blah blah is all very similar, eat healthier natural foods, get some salmon that seems to be good for everything and blueberries, Hmmmmmm what a combo :)
Water, I know that most days I don't drink enough water and I know that at the times when I do keep myself hydrated I feel better, brighter, healthier and go for a pee every half an hour (not such a great effect), so I did some reading as to how being rehydrated really does effect my brain function. Apparently this really is the case, hydrating with water allows the brain to function at optimal levels, everything communicates more efficiently and so this helps every part of the body to function better, memory, concentration, energy and alertness. So I will put up with the regular running to the loo while crossing my legs, not the best of looks but at least I can think better :)
So it seems to me that information on moods, brain power, weight loss and blah blah blah is all very similar, eat healthier natural foods, get some salmon that seems to be good for everything and blueberries, Hmmmmmm what a combo :)
Water, I know that most days I don't drink enough water and I know that at the times when I do keep myself hydrated I feel better, brighter, healthier and go for a pee every half an hour (not such a great effect), so I did some reading as to how being rehydrated really does effect my brain function. Apparently this really is the case, hydrating with water allows the brain to function at optimal levels, everything communicates more efficiently and so this helps every part of the body to function better, memory, concentration, energy and alertness. So I will put up with the regular running to the loo while crossing my legs, not the best of looks but at least I can think better :)
Soooooooo this is me for another week. I am loving getting back to my writing, reading, studying and learning. I'm feeling brighter and better about what's happened and what's going to come in the future. Thanks Fearne Cotton for your beautiful diary (a gift to myself not from Fearne herself) I literally love this diary as a daily way of keeping everything in one place. Things have been pretty crappy but they are looking up. Every day I count myself lucky to be alive and surrounded by the most amazing people who have done everything to keep me in this one, little bit crazy piece. My final words for this week are to my amazing grandchildren, these kids are awesome and I utterly adore them, they keep me laughing on the days that I feel like crying, they let me sleep on the days that I can't move. They ask the questions that no-one else is brave enough to, having a 7 year old want a full explanation of having brain surgery and then rubbing his fingers on every part of the scar is incredible. If you are reading this and don't have grandchildren yet, it is an amazing thing. If you're not getting some, borrow someones elses (not steal them of course, that would get you into trouble) but get in there with the kids, play lego, eat ice cream, play on the swings (not the trampoline, the poorly head doesn't like it as much of the rest of the body loves and jump on the trampoline) and laugh like a child over the silliest things, it's a truly awesome way to spend time.
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