OK so I've read and youtubed until I'm totally brain fogged with information overload. I've seen the stories in the daily mail about the support CBD oils are getting from so many people. I've read the amazing stories of CBD oils and their possible miracles (not really miracles but definately better possible solutions) and I've messaged and chatted to people all over the world to find out their experiences, get their tips and advice and I've decided it's definately time to give this stuff a real go and slowly get off my meds. Please if you are reading this don't take it as medical advice, I am in no way a medical person, I'm definately in no way academic, so much so that I've been sending things to my brother who is much more academic than I would ever be to get his thoughts, he read, laughed and told me he always told me that smoking a joint was good for you! He then told me he used to give it to our Dad!!!!!!! But really, the information is overloading about what strains to take, what product to use and what to avoid.
I hope I've found 3 companies that seem to be brilliant and incredibly helpful. I am putting some links below of some of the incredible stories that have brought me to tears and given me hope that I can be myself again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9qkYLtAhSQ
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4865170/Woman-claims-cannabis-oil-CURED-brain-tumour.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5523165/Sir-Patrick-Stewart-supporting-boy-given-cannabis.html
The companies I've decided to use which have amazing reviews and are so helpful are below.
https://cbdbrothers.com/
https://www.lovecbd.org/product/800mg-cbd-entourage-oil-spray/ This is what I'm using now
https://www.cbdoilsuk.com/product/charlottes-web-everyday-advanced-500-hemp-extract/
Day 1 one spray at about 11am, no idea why I took it at that time although I do know it should be taken about 2 hours away from the anti seizure meds. I have read just about everywhere that the way to take this is to put the drop (or spray) under your tongue and hold it there for 2 minutes. It tastes urgh but it's only for 2 minutes and it's a small price to pay so I'm not worried about that. There are apparently very good reasons for holding the oil under the tongue, it allows the active ingredients of CBD oil to be directly absorbed through the mucous membrane in the mouth. There are lots of capillaries, or tiny blood vessels, under the tongue which transfer directly into the bloodstream. When the CBD is absorbed under the tongue, it bypasses the digestive system and processing of the liver; therefore, the effects of CBD oil are not decreased by digestion. Sublingual application allows CBD to quickly enter the bloodstream and interact with the endocannabinoid system. I feel great, energy has picked up about 20 minutes after I took it. I'm not hungry :)
Day 2 1 spray again at about 11amish I am feeling great again. I really do have that energy and my sight seems to be feeling brighter, not in a weird spaced out way but in a brain fog clearing way
Day 3 1 spray again at about 11ish, I can definately feel as though the brain fog is lifting for a few hours during the day, I am feeling normal. Not for the whole time I still have to sleep but it's absolutely giving me more good energy.
Day 4 1 spray again, OK energy levels have increased. Done 2 workouts, walked for an hour and a half, most of that time listening to my Spanish (getting the grey matter back to work with some language). The brain fog for a chunk of the day is clear and I am for those few hours normal again.
Day 5 Oops overdid it yesterday and then last night I stayed up too late youtubing videos of studies on this stuff and it's results, it's fascinating and exciting. I've woken up shattered and with a banging headache,. I've taken a second spray today at about 5pmish, the information says the results last about 9 hours and that eventually I should be taking 1 or 2 sprays 3 times a day for the best effects. Lazy day today I think, when will I ever learn to take things gently?!
Day 6 2 sprays 1 first thing in the morning when I wake up and a 2nd at 4.30ish. I've been great today, Been for a nice walk (rather than a route march) done a good workout (just one, not two). Brain is feeling clear and I feel like I'm starting to remember normal stuff.
Day 7 2 sprays again, had a great nights sleep and woken up feeling refreshed. This stuff and the vitamin b are definately working, this cannot be a fluke. Oh I am so happy I could cry again. I can't believe that I am doing this to myself and I cannot believe that one week in of the CBD and I am feeling like this is going to work. This is really the first time since this all started that I am able to look forward and see a healthy and more normal future. Excuse me while I shed a few happy tears again. (now I'm going to be honest here, I wrote this last night before I went to bed, and I really did wake up feeling refreshed :) )
I've done more reading on my seizures too, both types, the dizzy spells are petit mal and one of the things of these is a feeling of deja vu, well strangely this happens and I honestly just thought it was me being weird, nope that's petit mal and also keppra!!!
I don't really want to read too much on the gran mal, they are scary and the information tells you that people die from them, I don't want to know!
Also CPRS complex regional pain syndrome (I don't have the pain) but this is another name for brain fog. Symptoms, poor memory and lack of concentration. Hahaha I have those by the bucket loads
So just by simply getting off the chemicals and replacing them with a vitamin b and a few drops of CBD a day I could clear all of this lot up. Seems like a potential miracle or too good to be true, I think I'd rather stick with the miracle thoughts for now while I can still get away with it :)
I've gone back through some of my first posts about natural foods and spices, so my bedtime drink has gone back to camomile tea with turmeric and cinnamon. My coconut oil with jasmine and frankincense is not only my nightly face cream it's only massaged into my dry scalp twice a week. It feels just lovely to have a head massage done by me, that should help with stopping the tumour regrow (coconut oil is supposed to shrink them), help with the sleep, not that I really have any trouble with that (the jasmine) and help with the brain function (thanks to frankincense).
I wonder if any of this natural magic will improve my eyesight and hearing??? Miracles can happen and what a learning curve this is.
Just before I finish off for the week, every time I switch on the TV it seems to be covering something to do with brain tumours, seizures or CBD. I feel like I'm being watched over or given some sort of warning or talk! What is going on in the world???
Happy Monday everyone :)
Monday, 26 March 2018
Monday, 19 March 2018
Trying to be proud of myself and look into the future
So in this weird, horrible in many ways, past 7 months I seem to have achieved a LOT. I have read and studied, I have passed 3 courses and am now qualified in various different things and am hopefully almost ready to move on to my next chapter of a new working life. I am a qualified meditation person, a qualified natural therapist and a qualified hypnotherapist, WOW not bad brain tumour woman :)
I've said this before that it's easy to look down on myself and sometimes others and even though this has been a really shit time with the tumour, the surgery, the seizures, the fear of every day life and blah blah blah, I'm doing OK and deserve a pat on the back.
Family have been a massive part of that, my girls! where do I start, these young women make me incredibly proud to be their mother every day. As mothers I feel that most of us just do our best, we want the best for our children but as there are no lessons of parenting we just do what we think is right. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not quite so good. When our beautiful children become vile teenagers (yes they nearly all do and both mine definately did) there is nothing we can do apart from pick them up and give them a damn good telling off, it'll take about 5 years for that telling off to sink in. When these vile teenagers grow out of this vile stage and magically turn into adults all we can do is hope for the best. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have absolutely no idea how it happened but my young women are awesome, they are bright, funny, caring, responsible and they have taken the best care and control of their poorly mother. They tell me off like I am the child sometimes, they cry with me, laugh with me and make me feel safe. I like to be sure that a great deal of that has come from their upbringing, not just from me but from their father and grand parents. I can't take all of the credit but I will enjoy every ounce of pride, they are my girls and I adore them and who they are. I am so very lucky to have them.
I'm also lucky to have an amazing group of friends. It's true that you learn who your friends are when the chips are down and it's also a really tough time to let the crappy ones go, it's upsetting to know that you've let selfish people become important to you but once you release them it's like a weight lifted off your shoulders, well it is once you've got over the hurt and then the anger (that hangs on for quite a while). My friends have been kind, caring, worried, funny and amazing. Again, I don't know how I have managed to surround myself with such awesome people, now, when I say surround myself, my friends are all over the place because I worked all over the place. They are still there though, on the phone or some sort of messenger. They lift me up when I need it, they bring me back down to earth when I am having a mad moment and they are just there when I need them. Even on a Friday night in front of gogglebox I am with my amazing friend even though she is on her sofa in Spain we are together and that is a very warm and comforting feeling. I am lucky.
So what am I going to do with my new skills? I have a plan, it's going to take a while to make come together but a plan is a plan. For the first time ever I want to help others find a way to help themselves. I want to help people to control their fear, pain and stress just by relaxing and now I almost have all the tools to do this. I want to teach people to relax, doctors, nurses, medical staff, teachers (that's my starting point) these people are so busy, so stretched and stressed and never get enough thanks for the amazing and hard jobs they do. I want to try and help them, it'll be a good platform for me to start I hope.
BTW last week I spoke about the vitamin B well I don't know if it's too early for me to feel any difference but I honestly feel that I have times of the day with no brain fog, it feels amazing. I've also started the new CBD entourage oil www.lovecbd.org I feel energised, awake and can see without a fog over my head, really is this possible so early on? I don't know but I do know that I am loving this feeling.
My final words this week are exercise, I love exercise, I am (or was) a full on gym bunny, I love a noisy, busy, hard working class, especially spinning and now there's no way I can do one, I miss it madly. Even walking past a gym can bring me to tears (ridiculous I know) but it was a massive part of my life and now I can't even go swimming!!! So I've returned to an old favourite, it looks and seems a bit weird to start with but once you get past the original creator (who looks a bit like a crazy lady in a very small leotard) it's a brilliant, gentle but good workout, I've got all of the downloads and I'm now doing one every day, I get the tiniest bit of dizziness when it comes to the laying down part of the programme but I stop, wait for the dizzy to go and then I start again. If you do have a look, the daughter Aubrey is fantastic and I much prefer her (not crazy) sessions. www.oxycise.com
Onwards and upwards we go, have a great week :)
I've said this before that it's easy to look down on myself and sometimes others and even though this has been a really shit time with the tumour, the surgery, the seizures, the fear of every day life and blah blah blah, I'm doing OK and deserve a pat on the back.
Family have been a massive part of that, my girls! where do I start, these young women make me incredibly proud to be their mother every day. As mothers I feel that most of us just do our best, we want the best for our children but as there are no lessons of parenting we just do what we think is right. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not quite so good. When our beautiful children become vile teenagers (yes they nearly all do and both mine definately did) there is nothing we can do apart from pick them up and give them a damn good telling off, it'll take about 5 years for that telling off to sink in. When these vile teenagers grow out of this vile stage and magically turn into adults all we can do is hope for the best. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have absolutely no idea how it happened but my young women are awesome, they are bright, funny, caring, responsible and they have taken the best care and control of their poorly mother. They tell me off like I am the child sometimes, they cry with me, laugh with me and make me feel safe. I like to be sure that a great deal of that has come from their upbringing, not just from me but from their father and grand parents. I can't take all of the credit but I will enjoy every ounce of pride, they are my girls and I adore them and who they are. I am so very lucky to have them.
I'm also lucky to have an amazing group of friends. It's true that you learn who your friends are when the chips are down and it's also a really tough time to let the crappy ones go, it's upsetting to know that you've let selfish people become important to you but once you release them it's like a weight lifted off your shoulders, well it is once you've got over the hurt and then the anger (that hangs on for quite a while). My friends have been kind, caring, worried, funny and amazing. Again, I don't know how I have managed to surround myself with such awesome people, now, when I say surround myself, my friends are all over the place because I worked all over the place. They are still there though, on the phone or some sort of messenger. They lift me up when I need it, they bring me back down to earth when I am having a mad moment and they are just there when I need them. Even on a Friday night in front of gogglebox I am with my amazing friend even though she is on her sofa in Spain we are together and that is a very warm and comforting feeling. I am lucky.
So what am I going to do with my new skills? I have a plan, it's going to take a while to make come together but a plan is a plan. For the first time ever I want to help others find a way to help themselves. I want to help people to control their fear, pain and stress just by relaxing and now I almost have all the tools to do this. I want to teach people to relax, doctors, nurses, medical staff, teachers (that's my starting point) these people are so busy, so stretched and stressed and never get enough thanks for the amazing and hard jobs they do. I want to try and help them, it'll be a good platform for me to start I hope.
BTW last week I spoke about the vitamin B well I don't know if it's too early for me to feel any difference but I honestly feel that I have times of the day with no brain fog, it feels amazing. I've also started the new CBD entourage oil www.lovecbd.org I feel energised, awake and can see without a fog over my head, really is this possible so early on? I don't know but I do know that I am loving this feeling.
My final words this week are exercise, I love exercise, I am (or was) a full on gym bunny, I love a noisy, busy, hard working class, especially spinning and now there's no way I can do one, I miss it madly. Even walking past a gym can bring me to tears (ridiculous I know) but it was a massive part of my life and now I can't even go swimming!!! So I've returned to an old favourite, it looks and seems a bit weird to start with but once you get past the original creator (who looks a bit like a crazy lady in a very small leotard) it's a brilliant, gentle but good workout, I've got all of the downloads and I'm now doing one every day, I get the tiniest bit of dizziness when it comes to the laying down part of the programme but I stop, wait for the dizzy to go and then I start again. If you do have a look, the daughter Aubrey is fantastic and I much prefer her (not crazy) sessions. www.oxycise.com
Onwards and upwards we go, have a great week :)
Tuesday, 13 March 2018
Where do I go next?
I'm in a bit of a turmoil. Last week I decided to pop into the city centre (on my own) to pick up some bits and pieces, nothing needed but some time not to sit at home by myself. I had a funny turn in a shop, found a member of staff and said "I'm sorry, I have epilepsy and I don't feel well, please help me", thankfully the member of staff I found was a first aider with experience of epilepsy and was amazing, took me to a cool room, got me a drink and sat with me while I calmed down and thank goodness didn't have a full seizure. But once again this got me thinking about my medications. I have cried today with the fright, disappointment and these bloody meds that I hate. So I have read and read and read until my head is hurting and have possibly come up with a couple of long term solutions. Read on for the pros and cons of the meds and their possible replacements. Why oh why when you are put on these meds nobody tells you what the natural possible alternatives are? Why oh why can't the pharmactutical companies work together with the natural companies to create a medicine that doesn't create further issues and give us something more natural that works with our bodies and minds rather than against it. It's the frustration that makes me cry. I want to be strong, I want to take the bull by the horns and stop this from taking over the me that I actually really like.
Keppra, anti seizure medication, makes me feel awful, muddles my brain, apparently because even though it is helping to control the seizure it is also rotting my brain, making me exhausted while stopping my memory from working and causing me to be miserable. This medication also effects the way you body absorbs nutrients and some vitamins, particularly vitamin b.
CBD oil, massively popular at the moment as a potential saviour for epileptics, cancer patients, pain relief, psoriasis. There seem to be a million pros for this but the cons are that they are not medically accepted by many in the medical community for understandable reasons. This means that if you take it, you take it under your own steam with little or no backup from your medical team. It will test positive if you are drug tested, now for me that makes no difference because nobody is likely to drug test me but for many people who need to have clear drug testing for work this is a problem!!!
SSRI antidepressants. Given for obvious reasons, misery being my main one. I could be wrong here and probably am but it seems like we hear daily about mental health issues and how so many people suffer with them, I never (until now) thought I had a mental health issue that I couldn't sort out myself by getting together with good friends, going for a good walk, going to the gym or sitting down with a cuppa and a good book. I have never wanted to take anti depressants and begrudge that I am taking them now, possibly unnessecarily as I may be able to solve these issues with vitamin B and folic acid!
Vitamin B complex. Sooooooooooo here goes, vitamin b (particularly b6 is one of the massive brain helping vitamins, it helps the brain think, focus, remember and cognitively work. Vitamin B6 deficiency can induce anemia, abnormal brain activity, mood disorders, muscle twitching and seizures. Vitamin B6 deficiency also weakens your immune system. Folic acid deficiency can lead to anemia, heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, frequent infections, depression, mental confusion and fainting. Vitamin B12 deficiency produces anemia, fatigue and hypersensitivity, and degenerates your nervous system, leading to paralysis. With this little lot no wonder I feel like rubbish most of the time ! This information came from https://www.livestrong.com/article/483285-how-much-vitamin-b-complex-should-a-person-take-in-a-day/
Vitamin B is suppressed by keppra! So I need to find a vitamin B complex that includes B6, B12 to help improve my lagging eyesight, memory and B9 all of them to help the brain to function and the hair and nails to grow and to improve energy levels. Vitamin B you are going to be my best friend soon and for that I will love you :)
More information on Vitamin B9 is here and makes a great read https://www.organicfacts.net/folic-acid.html
So my thought process is this, start taking vitamin B complex so that I can wean off the anti depressant (slowly) while this is happening my brain fog can start to clear, my memory can improve and I can start to think like a normal person again. The B complex also assists hair and nail growth (great for my lost hair). Apparently the vitamin B has to be taken at the same time daily (like keppra) for it to work effectively. That's good to know.
Next is to start very very slowly on the CBD oil, and very very slowly (over about a year) cut down and hopefully eventually out the keppra. So that in theory by the end of the next 12 months the only things I will be taking is natural CBD oil and a vitamin B compex. Fingers (with long and strong nails) crossed for this, it's scary but I really really want to find a way to get off the chemical drugs that I feel are potentially long term doing me more harm than good. Fingers crossed
Keppra, anti seizure medication, makes me feel awful, muddles my brain, apparently because even though it is helping to control the seizure it is also rotting my brain, making me exhausted while stopping my memory from working and causing me to be miserable. This medication also effects the way you body absorbs nutrients and some vitamins, particularly vitamin b.
CBD oil, massively popular at the moment as a potential saviour for epileptics, cancer patients, pain relief, psoriasis. There seem to be a million pros for this but the cons are that they are not medically accepted by many in the medical community for understandable reasons. This means that if you take it, you take it under your own steam with little or no backup from your medical team. It will test positive if you are drug tested, now for me that makes no difference because nobody is likely to drug test me but for many people who need to have clear drug testing for work this is a problem!!!
SSRI antidepressants. Given for obvious reasons, misery being my main one. I could be wrong here and probably am but it seems like we hear daily about mental health issues and how so many people suffer with them, I never (until now) thought I had a mental health issue that I couldn't sort out myself by getting together with good friends, going for a good walk, going to the gym or sitting down with a cuppa and a good book. I have never wanted to take anti depressants and begrudge that I am taking them now, possibly unnessecarily as I may be able to solve these issues with vitamin B and folic acid!
Vitamin B complex. Sooooooooooo here goes, vitamin b (particularly b6 is one of the massive brain helping vitamins, it helps the brain think, focus, remember and cognitively work. Vitamin B6 deficiency can induce anemia, abnormal brain activity, mood disorders, muscle twitching and seizures. Vitamin B6 deficiency also weakens your immune system. Folic acid deficiency can lead to anemia, heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, frequent infections, depression, mental confusion and fainting. Vitamin B12 deficiency produces anemia, fatigue and hypersensitivity, and degenerates your nervous system, leading to paralysis. With this little lot no wonder I feel like rubbish most of the time ! This information came from https://www.livestrong.com/article/483285-how-much-vitamin-b-complex-should-a-person-take-in-a-day/
Vitamin B is suppressed by keppra! So I need to find a vitamin B complex that includes B6, B12 to help improve my lagging eyesight, memory and B9 all of them to help the brain to function and the hair and nails to grow and to improve energy levels. Vitamin B you are going to be my best friend soon and for that I will love you :)
More information on Vitamin B9 is here and makes a great read https://www.organicfacts.net/folic-acid.html
So my thought process is this, start taking vitamin B complex so that I can wean off the anti depressant (slowly) while this is happening my brain fog can start to clear, my memory can improve and I can start to think like a normal person again. The B complex also assists hair and nail growth (great for my lost hair). Apparently the vitamin B has to be taken at the same time daily (like keppra) for it to work effectively. That's good to know.
Next is to start very very slowly on the CBD oil, and very very slowly (over about a year) cut down and hopefully eventually out the keppra. So that in theory by the end of the next 12 months the only things I will be taking is natural CBD oil and a vitamin B compex. Fingers (with long and strong nails) crossed for this, it's scary but I really really want to find a way to get off the chemical drugs that I feel are potentially long term doing me more harm than good. Fingers crossed
Wednesday, 7 March 2018
Memory & how to fix it
My memory has become shocking and I know this is partly age (urgh yep that dreaded word) and party because my brain either forgets how to work or is too tired to be bothered to, there is also the effect of the keppra, which is massively important but I hate the effects of.
I am desperate to improve my memory and try and get my brain back to work, there are a few things I'm looking at, 1 the brain training games, which seem to be good but I feel so tired after doing them for a few days, foods as always is a factor but I have now massively cut down sugar and bad fats, added in the turkey and walnuts and purple fruits, I'm burning aromatherapy rosemary (which is known to improve memory) and peppermint (known for headaches) oils - my home smells beautiful and I have meditation music which is meant to increase concentration whenever I'm reading or writing or working so what else is there???
I'm still studying hypnotherapy at the moment and have just taken a small break for a cuppa and have come across a hypnotherapy session for memory improving, that is definitely going to be worth working on and I will get a session recorded by my own dulcet tones to work on. I love the thought the hypnosis can help with so many things from pain relief to weight loss to relaxation and life improvement to phobia treatment. The course I've been studying has probably been the hardest thing I've ever had to learn and I am really struggling with my final module and exam. There is so much information to retain, thank goodness I've got it all written so that I can go back to it and will do once I've passed this course and get working. I am excited at the prospect of starting a new career that I can build while I'm recovering without causing myself too many problems and stress. I'm excited at the prospect of having a toolbox to help others help themselves using natural therapies and exercises, I truly believe that there are a million ways of helping ourselves without expensive, body killing chemical drugs. In the meantime I am going to get working on my brain and get the old grey cells working a little bit harder without wearing them out. A new start is on the way and it's exciting and a little bit nerve wracking.
Learning a new language is said to be great to improve your brain age and help your brain to focus and function. Recent studies have shown this to be true too. Bilinguals are said to have better decision making skills, improved memory, better attention, processing skills, cognitive abilities, bigger brains and a delayed onset of amnesia https://www.iwillteachyoualanguage.com/9-health-benefits-of-learning-a-foreign-language/ I loved speaking Spanish when I lived in Spain, I realised when I went back for a visit that I've lost a lot of my Spanish, this titbit of info is getting me back to my Spanish learning, bring it on duolingo, you are being reloaded :)
Art, now here's something that's new info for me. For those people who struggle to concentrate or their brains work differently (I think that goes for a lot of us with brain injury, surgery or just not working quite right) art is a great stimulant to increase and improve the brain function. It gets the brain working without the stress of making it think and is a great stress reducer. So that's something else for me to do, I've fancied getting one of those paint by numbers sets for a long time, this might just be the perfect reason, put some great music on and get the paint out. I love that idea
More info on how are and creativity helps the brain function is on this website https://www.healing-power-of-art.org/art-and-the-brain/
So new learnings are afoot, good books, lovely walks, coffee with friends and family, theatre trips planned (I love the theatre and plan to go more and more), I might as well enjoy this time while it lasts :)
I am desperate to improve my memory and try and get my brain back to work, there are a few things I'm looking at, 1 the brain training games, which seem to be good but I feel so tired after doing them for a few days, foods as always is a factor but I have now massively cut down sugar and bad fats, added in the turkey and walnuts and purple fruits, I'm burning aromatherapy rosemary (which is known to improve memory) and peppermint (known for headaches) oils - my home smells beautiful and I have meditation music which is meant to increase concentration whenever I'm reading or writing or working so what else is there???
I'm still studying hypnotherapy at the moment and have just taken a small break for a cuppa and have come across a hypnotherapy session for memory improving, that is definitely going to be worth working on and I will get a session recorded by my own dulcet tones to work on. I love the thought the hypnosis can help with so many things from pain relief to weight loss to relaxation and life improvement to phobia treatment. The course I've been studying has probably been the hardest thing I've ever had to learn and I am really struggling with my final module and exam. There is so much information to retain, thank goodness I've got it all written so that I can go back to it and will do once I've passed this course and get working. I am excited at the prospect of starting a new career that I can build while I'm recovering without causing myself too many problems and stress. I'm excited at the prospect of having a toolbox to help others help themselves using natural therapies and exercises, I truly believe that there are a million ways of helping ourselves without expensive, body killing chemical drugs. In the meantime I am going to get working on my brain and get the old grey cells working a little bit harder without wearing them out. A new start is on the way and it's exciting and a little bit nerve wracking.
Learning a new language is said to be great to improve your brain age and help your brain to focus and function. Recent studies have shown this to be true too. Bilinguals are said to have better decision making skills, improved memory, better attention, processing skills, cognitive abilities, bigger brains and a delayed onset of amnesia https://www.iwillteachyoualanguage.com/9-health-benefits-of-learning-a-foreign-language/ I loved speaking Spanish when I lived in Spain, I realised when I went back for a visit that I've lost a lot of my Spanish, this titbit of info is getting me back to my Spanish learning, bring it on duolingo, you are being reloaded :)
Art, now here's something that's new info for me. For those people who struggle to concentrate or their brains work differently (I think that goes for a lot of us with brain injury, surgery or just not working quite right) art is a great stimulant to increase and improve the brain function. It gets the brain working without the stress of making it think and is a great stress reducer. So that's something else for me to do, I've fancied getting one of those paint by numbers sets for a long time, this might just be the perfect reason, put some great music on and get the paint out. I love that idea
More info on how are and creativity helps the brain function is on this website https://www.healing-power-of-art.org/art-and-the-brain/
So new learnings are afoot, good books, lovely walks, coffee with friends and family, theatre trips planned (I love the theatre and plan to go more and more), I might as well enjoy this time while it lasts :)
Monday, 26 February 2018
The sadness of self deprecation
I find it sad that so many of us are so hard on ourselves. Self deprecation is the tough messages we give to ourselves. Often nastier than anyone else can give us, tougher and harsher comments than we would ever take off others.
I'm too fat
my boobs are too big (or too small)
my feet are horrible
I'm too stupid to apply for that job
I'm too ugly to be loved
If someone used that language to my girls as children I would have been a woman possessed to change that message but that is the same message I give to myself every day and I see my friends give themselves the same message. I am however trying really hard to be kinder to myself, to look in the mirror and remind myself that I'm doing OK, to get a plan of action for the future so that I know that I will be strong enough to move forward. To know that I look pretty damn good. To remind myself that I am a mother, a grandmother, a brilliant friend and a brain tumour survivor.
Kindness is a beautiful quality and kindness to yourself (and myself) is equally beautiful and attractive. Not an over confidence kindness that makes you look brash and self absorbed. But a kindness that can be given to others where you can look at those around you and spot something nice in everyone as well as yourself. This kindness that you can say something nice to someone that can make their day, saying something nice to a friend or a stranger and make them smile on the inside for hours. This can keep the giver and receiver of that kindness with a warm glow inside. It's a free giving to say something gentle and kind, it costs nothing but means the world. My Dad used to say if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.
I haven't always been kind to others around me and have probably gone through years judging people for their size, their job, their lifestyle and clothing choices. A nastiness that wasn't always on show on the outside but I am ashamed of. Don't read this wrong I don't think I was a nasty spiteful person but I don't think I always saw the best in everyone I met and I also am not foolish enough to believe that EVERYONE has a kind and gentle side to them all the time but I am proud to say I am not that judgemental person anymore, maybe that part of my brain was removed and for that I'm glad, it's not welcome back.
My Dad also used to say treat others the way you expect to be treated yourself. My Dad was a lot more sensible that he was given credit for a lot of the time, I miss him everyday, but with his words he is always with me, always with my girls because they also teach these words to my grandchildren. Dad you live on.
If you're reading this, be kind to yourself, make a cuppa, put your feet up and rest for a while with a good book. Be kind to yourself, everything will be fine. Much love from me today - Ooh I must have done a LOT of yoga this week :)
I'm too fat
my boobs are too big (or too small)
my feet are horrible
I'm too stupid to apply for that job
I'm too ugly to be loved
If someone used that language to my girls as children I would have been a woman possessed to change that message but that is the same message I give to myself every day and I see my friends give themselves the same message. I am however trying really hard to be kinder to myself, to look in the mirror and remind myself that I'm doing OK, to get a plan of action for the future so that I know that I will be strong enough to move forward. To know that I look pretty damn good. To remind myself that I am a mother, a grandmother, a brilliant friend and a brain tumour survivor.
Kindness is a beautiful quality and kindness to yourself (and myself) is equally beautiful and attractive. Not an over confidence kindness that makes you look brash and self absorbed. But a kindness that can be given to others where you can look at those around you and spot something nice in everyone as well as yourself. This kindness that you can say something nice to someone that can make their day, saying something nice to a friend or a stranger and make them smile on the inside for hours. This can keep the giver and receiver of that kindness with a warm glow inside. It's a free giving to say something gentle and kind, it costs nothing but means the world. My Dad used to say if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.
I haven't always been kind to others around me and have probably gone through years judging people for their size, their job, their lifestyle and clothing choices. A nastiness that wasn't always on show on the outside but I am ashamed of. Don't read this wrong I don't think I was a nasty spiteful person but I don't think I always saw the best in everyone I met and I also am not foolish enough to believe that EVERYONE has a kind and gentle side to them all the time but I am proud to say I am not that judgemental person anymore, maybe that part of my brain was removed and for that I'm glad, it's not welcome back.
My Dad also used to say treat others the way you expect to be treated yourself. My Dad was a lot more sensible that he was given credit for a lot of the time, I miss him everyday, but with his words he is always with me, always with my girls because they also teach these words to my grandchildren. Dad you live on.
If you're reading this, be kind to yourself, make a cuppa, put your feet up and rest for a while with a good book. Be kind to yourself, everything will be fine. Much love from me today - Ooh I must have done a LOT of yoga this week :)
Wednesday, 21 February 2018
Reading, reading, writing and then some more reading
I've been lucky and have been given some fabulous books as presents by others and then bought some more for myself, reading has been a great part of my sitting down with a cuppa and resting.
Davina McCall lessons I've learned has been amazing, I've always been a fan (I know I know maybe not cool but I loved her on big brother) she is a massive inspiration and her book has only made that more so, from the alcoholic parents to her sister with brain tumours, heartbreakingly close to home. I've cried and laughed. Maybe she will read this and know how much she has helped me.
Fearne Cottons Happy the journal, this was a present to myself and I totally love it, writing down daily thoughts, feelings and memories is a brilliant way of me putting things into perspective. I've thought about things I haven't thought of for years and remembered things that have made me laugh until I cried. Thankyou Fearne for making me look inside myself and see that things are going to get better and better. I hope you too will maybe have a read of this blog and understand the help you are giving me every day.
Shaun Usher Letters of note, a christmas present and it is utterly beautiful to sit down with a cuppa and take a 10 minute break from the world and read a letter. This book is utterly beautiful.
Haemin Sunim The things you can only see when you slow down, I can see why this is such a massive bestseller it's beautiful. It's another one for a sit down for a break and a cuppa, putting things into perspective and making you look at things through different eyes. I feel like I want to do this a lot lately, it's doing me good.
On my reading list
Mary Ann Shaffer The Guernsey literary and potato peel pie society, recommended by my daughter who is also my personal book advisor, she reads brilliant books and everything she recommends to read I love
Michael Heppell How to be brilliant, I'm looking forward to this one and to make my perceptions of things happier and healthier
Danny Wallace Join me, this books looks incredible and so do most of the rest of his collection, I might just become a Danny Wallace fan
I'm a slow reader so these will take a while but it will be recovery times to enjoy with a nice cuppa and maybe even a biscuit or two.
Davina McCall lessons I've learned has been amazing, I've always been a fan (I know I know maybe not cool but I loved her on big brother) she is a massive inspiration and her book has only made that more so, from the alcoholic parents to her sister with brain tumours, heartbreakingly close to home. I've cried and laughed. Maybe she will read this and know how much she has helped me.
Fearne Cottons Happy the journal, this was a present to myself and I totally love it, writing down daily thoughts, feelings and memories is a brilliant way of me putting things into perspective. I've thought about things I haven't thought of for years and remembered things that have made me laugh until I cried. Thankyou Fearne for making me look inside myself and see that things are going to get better and better. I hope you too will maybe have a read of this blog and understand the help you are giving me every day.
Shaun Usher Letters of note, a christmas present and it is utterly beautiful to sit down with a cuppa and take a 10 minute break from the world and read a letter. This book is utterly beautiful.
Haemin Sunim The things you can only see when you slow down, I can see why this is such a massive bestseller it's beautiful. It's another one for a sit down for a break and a cuppa, putting things into perspective and making you look at things through different eyes. I feel like I want to do this a lot lately, it's doing me good.
On my reading list
Mary Ann Shaffer The Guernsey literary and potato peel pie society, recommended by my daughter who is also my personal book advisor, she reads brilliant books and everything she recommends to read I love
Michael Heppell How to be brilliant, I'm looking forward to this one and to make my perceptions of things happier and healthier
Danny Wallace Join me, this books looks incredible and so do most of the rest of his collection, I might just become a Danny Wallace fan
I'm a slow reader so these will take a while but it will be recovery times to enjoy with a nice cuppa and maybe even a biscuit or two.
Monday, 19 February 2018
Struck by the dreaded lurgy
Well it's hit me, the dreaded lurgy that comes around to get us all at this time of year. I hoped I'd manage to escape it but as my throat hurts along with my head and I have the delightful cough of a dog there was no escaping it. I will try to escape the chemical meds and antibiotics though and hope that paracetamol with hot honey and lemon will take care of it.
This is the time of year that we see the NHS being slated by the press and this is what I find so horribly upsetting. Our NHS is without doubt incredible and that is the reason it is abused by so many other parts of the world, the free health care that we give to thousands on a daily basis is a massive part of what's breaking it, the fact that our front of house staff don't take the details of the people we are treating so that the money for their treatment isn't claimed from their own countries. Having lived overseas I know that if I turn up to a Greek, Spanish, German or French hospital without my EHIC card and passport I will either be not treated and turned away or treated and given a bill on my departure and this I expect and accept which is why I travel with health insurance. I don't have the full figures, and this morning I don't have the energy to google them but we must be owed billions every year by numerous countries for the free health care that we give, surely this needs to be done to help save our wonderful NHS and surely this needs to be done soon before it collapses and we lose it altogether. On this note I also want to mention the care given by our staff, having been in a few times this last 6 months I can honestly say that I have met some of the most incredible people who have given me the most incredible care under their most difficult working circumstances, I have laughed until I cried with some of these staff and for that I will never be able to show them the gratitude that they deserve.
This last week definately wasn't a good slimming world week while I chomped away on popcorn, ice cream, crisps and biscuits with the kids on school holidays but boy oh boy it was bloody lovely :) I have absolutely turned into an old lady while I think the best way to spend an evening is tucked up under a fleece blanket watching a film, star wars with him, musicals with her and eating our way through tubs of ice cream and popcorn at the same time. Every now and again the thought pops into my poorly head that thank God I'm alive to enjoy this and I wipe away a tear. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of my friends and family being scared but I don't know what to do to stop it, the happy pills stop the worry but they obviously don't stop the seizures, I am in the thought space now that the time in between the seizures I just have to enjoy and then when they happen take the rest time to get over them and start again.
My hair is growing back hurrah, it's a bloody mess, looks like a mop but it seems to be thicker than ever and even got a bit of a spring to it, so even if there is a fair amount of grey there is a fair amount of hair. I literally have no idea where to go with it, it's still too short to style but getting more and more every week. That along with the rest of the hair on my body, I've never had to shave so regularly :) I'm guessing this is due to the sea kelp and the silica , the silica is also meant to be good for skin, nails and bones so I'm sticking with it. This is a great place to read up on silica and it's uses and benefits https://blog.viviscal.com/power-of-silica-for-hair-growth-the-complete-guide/
After the seizure of a couple of weeks ago I never did find that earring but I am having to buy an oysta pearl https://oystatechnology.co.uk/ this is going to give me back a little bit more independence, it means that in the event of an emergency I don't have to try and use my mobile (impossible) but just press a button to get help and with it's gps it means I can be easily found. I will definately feel like an old lady with that hanging around my neck but a safer old lady that won't be left abandoned without help if I do have a seizure on my own, what a bloody pain eh!!! Oh and finally my car is being sold, I have finally come to the realisation that I definately won't be back behind the wheel anytime soon so it might as well get the money in the bank instead, thank goodness for my free bus pass hahaha
This is the time of year that we see the NHS being slated by the press and this is what I find so horribly upsetting. Our NHS is without doubt incredible and that is the reason it is abused by so many other parts of the world, the free health care that we give to thousands on a daily basis is a massive part of what's breaking it, the fact that our front of house staff don't take the details of the people we are treating so that the money for their treatment isn't claimed from their own countries. Having lived overseas I know that if I turn up to a Greek, Spanish, German or French hospital without my EHIC card and passport I will either be not treated and turned away or treated and given a bill on my departure and this I expect and accept which is why I travel with health insurance. I don't have the full figures, and this morning I don't have the energy to google them but we must be owed billions every year by numerous countries for the free health care that we give, surely this needs to be done to help save our wonderful NHS and surely this needs to be done soon before it collapses and we lose it altogether. On this note I also want to mention the care given by our staff, having been in a few times this last 6 months I can honestly say that I have met some of the most incredible people who have given me the most incredible care under their most difficult working circumstances, I have laughed until I cried with some of these staff and for that I will never be able to show them the gratitude that they deserve.
This last week definately wasn't a good slimming world week while I chomped away on popcorn, ice cream, crisps and biscuits with the kids on school holidays but boy oh boy it was bloody lovely :) I have absolutely turned into an old lady while I think the best way to spend an evening is tucked up under a fleece blanket watching a film, star wars with him, musicals with her and eating our way through tubs of ice cream and popcorn at the same time. Every now and again the thought pops into my poorly head that thank God I'm alive to enjoy this and I wipe away a tear. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of my friends and family being scared but I don't know what to do to stop it, the happy pills stop the worry but they obviously don't stop the seizures, I am in the thought space now that the time in between the seizures I just have to enjoy and then when they happen take the rest time to get over them and start again.
My hair is growing back hurrah, it's a bloody mess, looks like a mop but it seems to be thicker than ever and even got a bit of a spring to it, so even if there is a fair amount of grey there is a fair amount of hair. I literally have no idea where to go with it, it's still too short to style but getting more and more every week. That along with the rest of the hair on my body, I've never had to shave so regularly :) I'm guessing this is due to the sea kelp and the silica , the silica is also meant to be good for skin, nails and bones so I'm sticking with it. This is a great place to read up on silica and it's uses and benefits https://blog.viviscal.com/power-of-silica-for-hair-growth-the-complete-guide/
After the seizure of a couple of weeks ago I never did find that earring but I am having to buy an oysta pearl https://oystatechnology.co.uk/ this is going to give me back a little bit more independence, it means that in the event of an emergency I don't have to try and use my mobile (impossible) but just press a button to get help and with it's gps it means I can be easily found. I will definately feel like an old lady with that hanging around my neck but a safer old lady that won't be left abandoned without help if I do have a seizure on my own, what a bloody pain eh!!! Oh and finally my car is being sold, I have finally come to the realisation that I definately won't be back behind the wheel anytime soon so it might as well get the money in the bank instead, thank goodness for my free bus pass hahaha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)